APRIL FOOLS EDITION: USCA divorces from USC system, debates new name and mascot

In light of the university’s 60th anniversary, USC Aiken will be officially breaking away from the USC system before the coming fall 2022 semester. The Student Government Association (SGA) is overseeing the changes in the university’s name and mascot.

Many names were proposed at recent SGA meetings such as Aiken University and Gregg-Graniteville University but the one that was chosen by all but one SGA Senator and voted for by an overwhelming 90 percent of the student body was Not-the-University-of-South-Carolina-Aiken-University.

One student said after ballots were cast for the name change, “I don't know. It just felt right, you know?”

Along with this historic rebranding comes a new mascot for the NUSCAU campus. SGA is replacing the beloved Pacer with another heartwarming face for the institution: the Tardigrades (or water bears, if you feel so inclined).

A representative of SGA responded to the change with enthusiasm, explaining that nothing gives off the “vibe” of student pride more than a microorganism that does nothing but eat algae and suck plant cell contents through their, as one student described, “sucky-wucky” tube-shaped mouths.

While this change is certainly jarring for many students at Not-the-University-of-South-Carolina-Aiken-University, there is certainly hope for the future with these bright changes to come. Go Tardigrades!