Weekly Briefing: Serious topics from a serious news team [APRIL FOOLS EDITION]

Editor’s Note: This “article” is from our 2020 April Fool’s Day edition of Pacer Times. It is satirical and is not meant to be taken as real news.

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Happy Wednesday, Pacers. This edition of Pacer Times is brought to you by the letter S!

In news this week, Editor Noelle Kriegel wrote two investigative pieces about the dangers of the campus squirrel population and the questionable relationship between campus cameras and the birds.

Also in news, Opinions Editor David Frantz wrote about the recent relocation of a group of kangaroos, who came to reside in Hitchcock Woods to work on the golf courses.

In the Lifestyle section, reporter Angel-Hope Watts discussed some plausible theories about the COVID-19 pandemic — I’m not saying it was aliens, but…it was aliens.

Frantz also wrote about alternatives to use during the toilet paper shortage, while Kriegel interviewed Broken Ink’s editor-in-chief about their no vibes policy.

In the opinions section, the Pacer Times editorial board wrote an in-depth, contemplative article on the definition of journalism.

Finally, Kriegel covered a recent social media argument between students about reliable media sources.

Enjoy the issue, Pacers.