Australian immigrants move into Hitchcock Woods for golf jobs [APRIL FOOLS EDITION]

Editor’s Note: This “article” is from our 2020 April Fool’s Day edition of Pacer Times. It is satirical and is not meant to be taken as real news.

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The Aiken Golf Club (AGC) and Hitchcock Woods Foundation’s (HWF) recent collaboration to introduce a mob of eastern gray kangaroos imported from New South Wales, Australia, into Aiken, was launched earlier today April 1.  

Freeing these ‘roos out on the golf course and in the woods is a natural fit. The AGC greens’ keepers are celebrating because the mob, newly arrived in town, eats grass exclusively and work on the greens with gas powered devices will be greatly reduced.

The HWF and AGC groups share interest in reducing air and noise pollution as well as reducing dependence on fossil fuels. Thus, the HWF has no reluctance to welcome this functional addition to the woods’ fauna. 

When contacted for comment, Joe Lazeebonz, head greens keeper, on the verge of retirement said, “I was losing sleep worrying how the course would look once I’m gone, but after watching the hungry mob chow on what would be best described as their favorite ‘tucker’ down under, I knew this was a great idea for all parties concerned.”