It's Domestic Violence Awareness Month
The Cumbee Center will be having an ICE event on Oct. 2, 2023 from 5 PM to 6:30 PM in Penland 106 to learn about domestic violence.
According to thehotline.org, domestic violence is a pattern of behavior used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship. The Cumbee Center defines domestic violence as the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault and/or other abusive behavior perpetrated by one intimate partner against another. Domestic violence is also referred to by other names such as intimate partner violence, dating abuse and relationship abuse.
When domestic violence is brought up people tend to think of physical abuse, but usually, multiple forms of abuse are present. Understanding the different types of abuse can help to support those in situations where domestic violence is prevalent and get help if in an abusive relationship.
Types of abuse:
1. Digital abuse
Thehotline.org defines digital abuse as the use of technology and the Internet to bully, harass, stalk, intimidate or control a partner. Examples of this form of abuse are telling you who you can and cannot be friends with on social media, sending insulting messages or emails, using social media to track your activities and pressuring you to send unwanted explicit photos.
2. Financial abuse
According to thehotline.org, financial abuse occurs when an abusive partner extends their power and control over your financial situation. Examples of this form of abuse are providing an allowance and closely monitoring how money is spent while demanding receipts, preventing you from viewing or accessing bank accounts, stopping you from working or limiting hours you can work and stealing money from you.
3. Sexual abuse
Sexual abuse is defined by thehotline.org as when a partner controls the physical and sexual intimacy in a relationship which often is behavior that is non-consensual and forced. Examples of sexual abuse are making you dress in a sexual way you’re uncomfortable with, ignoring your feelings regarding sex, insulting you in sexual ways and holding you down during sex without consent.
Another form of sexually aggressive behavior is sexual coercion which is begging or persuasion to force sexual actions. An intimate partner making you feel as if you should be performing any kind of sexual activity is coercion. Examples of sexual coercion include being given drugs or alcohol to loosen up, continuing to pressure you after you’ve said no, reacting with anger or sadness after you’ve expressed disinterest in sexual activity and demanding sexual acts because of relationship status.
4. Emotional abuse
Emotional abuse is defined by thehotline.org as non-psychical behaviors that are meant to control, isolate or frighten someone. This type of abuse is often more subtle and harder to identify but is just as harmful as other forms. Examples of emotional abuse are insulting or constantly criticizing you, acting jealous or possessive with refusal to trust you, damaging your belongings and isolating you from other people in your life.
5. Physical abuse
Thehotline.org defines physical abuse as threats or the use of physical violence to maintain power over an individual. Examples of physical abuse include driving recklessly or dangerously with you in the car, abandoning you in unfamiliar places, preventing you from sleeping or eating and preventing you from taking prescribed medication or necessary medical treatment.
6. Reproductive coercion
Reproductive coercion is explained by thehotline.org as a form of power and control where one partner strips another of the ability to control their own reproductive system. Examples of reproductive coercion are refusing to use condoms or birth control, keeping you pregnant by getting you pregnant shortly after having a child, breaking or removing a condom at anytime during sexual activity and refusing to pull out. More examples include lying about methods of birth control such as a vasectomy or being on the pill, withholding money to buy birth control, intentionally becoming pregnant against your wishes and sabotaging or removing birth control methods.
Abuse is centered around control and power over someone else. Abusers use tactics to dismantle equality in a relationship to make their partner feel less valuable and undeserving of respect.
Many abusive relationships do not start out violent but may emerge and intensify as the relationship progresses. It is important to know the warning signs of abusive behavior.
Some common signs of abusive behavior may consist of preventing you from making your own decisions, insulting or demeaning you in front of other people, telling you that you can never do anything right and intimidating you through threatening looks. The presence of one or two of these behaviors in a relationship are indicators that abuse maybe prevalent.
Abuse is a learned behavior and sometimes people grow up witnessing abuse within their families. Abuse can also be learned from popular culture, friends and systemic racism in society. Whatever the case, it is a choice to behave abusively.
Abusive people tend to believe they have a right to control their partner because their needs and feelings should be priority or they enjoy exerting power over others. An important note to remember is that drugs and alcohol can escalate abuse, but they do not cause such behavior.
If in a relationship where domestic violence is prevalent a safety plan can lower the risk of being harmed. Thehotline.org defines a safety plan as a personalized, practical plan to improve your safety while experiencing abuse, preparing to leave an abusive situation, or after you leave. These plans can be shared with trusted individuals who understand the situation and can provide support.
Safety plans can be found on cumbeecenter.org and thehotline.org, along with more information about what they are and how they are used. These websites also have features that allow for quick exit of the site, if needed.
If not in an abusive situation but know someone that is, support can be provided materialistically and emotionally. Some examples of materialistic support involve helping them store important documents in a “to-go bag” in case of emergency, helping to identify a support network for physical needs and encourage them to talk to people who can provide further and guidance. Some examples of emotional support look like acknowledging that their situation is difficult and brave of them to regain control, not speak poorly of the abusive partner and help them create a safety plan.
If someone chooses to stay in an abusive relationship continue to support them. If someone leaves an abusive situation and goes back continue to support them as it can take up to approximately seven tries before permanently leaving. It is important to not criticize, judge or guilt them for choices they make.
Abusive situations are difficult and traumatic. People stay for many different reasons such as feelings of shame regarding being perceived for being in an abusive relationship, intimation from their abuser, low self-esteem and lack of resources to leave. Having a disability, immigration status and having children may also be reasons someone stays in an abusive situation.
Not all toxic or unhealthy relationships are abusive. How you feel and how your relationship heals after an argument says a lot about your relationship. Feeling scared of talking or sharing your feelings because of how your partner will react is a red flag.
According to the Cumbee Center, healthy relationships can handle boundaries. Healthy relationships are built on trust, respect, support and empowerment.
For more information on domestic violence visit thehotline.org, cumbeecenter.com, or womenagainstabuse.org.
